You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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