So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
