Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
