is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
