he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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