I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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