Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
