Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have feelings that need drinking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
