So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I look better un-naked...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
being pregnant is like rehab
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
