Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
