I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
