i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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