i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
