I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
