Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
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I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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