question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
