the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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