Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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