dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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