Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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