Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
