Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
