bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
