so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
