I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
