Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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