I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Randomize
