Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
