So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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