I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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