uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
