How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
