So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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