i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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