my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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