I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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