Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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