Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
