anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
