yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
