I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
