i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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