I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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