I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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