We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
