dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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