Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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