Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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