I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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