WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
