I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
