In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
