whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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