Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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