Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
