Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
