you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
