Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
