Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
