I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
