So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
