you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
