My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
