Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
