so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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