I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
