he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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