did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
