did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
