I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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