he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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