Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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