god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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