He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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