Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
