I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
