Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
