i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
