I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
