i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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