You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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